One Thousand and One Nights
by crescent dusk
Summary: Like all good kings, Xiao Jingyan disguises himself as a peasant to observe his people. But when he meets a generous and handsome commoner, it is difficult to say who is being watched...Parody of Sir Richard Burton's translation of the Nights, a story of love, war, and magic in 1001 nights. Almost crack but not quite (don't ask how that's possible).


Birthday fic for Daedreamer. You old. So are your unfinished fanfics :P

Disclaimer: Don't blame me for the fake old English, the over-the-top style of Sir Richard Burton's translation of the Nights, the deviousness of certain frail scholars, and anything else you may object to, because I own none of it.

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Once upon a time, in the age of gallant kings and walled palaces and peasants scurrying along the narrow, winding alleys of the imperial capital, there lived a wise and kindly emperor, Xiao Jinyan hight. The emperor's loveliness of form and figure was matched only by the sharpness of his wit and the astuteness of his governance.

Now, it was Xiao Jinyan's custom to don the garb of the common peasant every evening and walk about the capital so as to better gauge the goings-on of his people, of which he may haply be ignorant otherwise. In this fashion, within the first months of his reign, Xiao Jinyan had already seen and heard more of his land than had his forefathers in their entire lifetimes.

As emperor, he had naturally seen the wonders of the world and heard of strange tales and marvels as can hardly belong in the world of man, but it was during these his evening walks that he saw the good and ill of human existence, the cruelty and kindness of the rich and common. Yet, in all his adventures, there was one man who never ceased to please and astound the emperor with his artless generosity and all that could inspire hope and confidence in the human soul.

The first night of the emperor's reign, instead of reveling with the beautiful queens and princesses of the harem as was the custom among the kings of the land, Xiao Jinyan embarked upon the first of these excursions—for verily, all his life he had been so engrossed in studying the matters of his country and people that he had no consort despite the hundreds of beautiful princesses pining for his affections.

Thus, he betook himself to the poorest quarter of town where abided the fishermen and the rope-makers and the woodcutters who toiled harder than anyone yet lived in squalor with their wives and children. As he strolled down the street, feeling that even his commoner's attire was out of place amongst the overwhelming poverty and misery, he espied a boy, whose lithe and shapely form was well-nigh hidden by the dirtiest and most wretched of rags which he wore.

The boy had a glowing complexion and a quick and lively eye that seemed to shine upon the squalor of his surroundings as the moon doth shine in the night, and Xiao Jinyan wondered at the youth's beauty and spirit. What happened next didst please the lord even more, for the youth paused just in front of the alleyway where Xiao Jinyan had hidden himself to observe, and the youth brake off a piece of what little bread he had and gave the morsel to a starving child; whereupon the youth's stomach growled, and the child wordlessly made as to push the pitiful morsel back into the youth's hands.

Instead of accepting it, however, the youth spoke kind and soothing words and watched the child devour the piece. Then, the youth tucked the last of his bread in the child's rags and spoke again in his smooth and lovely voice words sweeter than any Xiao Jinyan had ever heard from the most charming of scholars and courtesans.

Immediately upon returning to the palace, Xiao Jinyan bade his most trusted minister to visit each and every household in the neighborhood, distributing food and cloth to each, and when he had found the youth, to give him and all his family, should he have any, the finest meats and dishes that had ever graced the king's own table and fifty gold pieces beside.

Additionally, he bade the minister inquire of the youth his name, for the emperor longed to know more of this lovely youth and wished only for a to which he might accord all the praise and admiration its owner deserved.

Lastly, he took a pearl hanging from his own sash, and bade the minister give this, too, to the youth as a mark of the emperor's exceeding favor. The emperor had carried this pearl on his person since his birth, and this pearl was of such luster and brilliance, perfectly round, and larger than any pearl man hath seen, that its twin could not be found anywhere in the world. The minister would fain plead his lord reconsider his decision, but seeing that the emperor's heart was set, the minister went and carried out the king's orders. The people praised the gods and the mercy of the king, and the emperor rejoiced at learning the youth's name, Lin Shu.

The next night, Xiao Jinyan again found himself in Lin Shu's neighborhood. And as he had done the previous night, he hid in the shadows of an alleyway and wondered if he would once again espy the youth of the night before. Not long had he stood there when Lin Shu appeared again, now clothed in a simple garment made of the cloth the king had sent, and at his waist hung the pearl whose twin could not be found had one searched the world over. At this sight the heart of the emperor was filled with delight.

But even more charmed was Xiao Jinyan when he saw that Lin Shu approached the same child as the night before and thereupon counted out twenty-five gold pieces to the child. The child grunted and shook his head by way of refusal, whereupon Xiao Jinyan realized that the unfortunate child suffered some affliction of the mind, and in his heart he admired Lin Shu all the more for showing kindness to one so deserving of pity.

The youth, rather than taking back the gold pieces, insisted the child keep them and even gave the last of the pieces the king had gifted him, saying again in that sweet and lovely voice, with the utmost eloquence and feeling, that the child ought to keep the monies if only to care for his ailing mother at home.

When Xiao Jinyan returned to the palace, he summoned his minister once again and bade him gift Lin Shu another fifty gold pieces, along with the most sumptuous of fruits and healthful victuals as might delight a convalescent, and the rarest and most valuable of herbs and medicines that could be acquired in all the world.

In this manner, night after night, Xiao Jinyan found himself at the end of his walk returning without fail to the meanest and most miserable quarter of his opulent capital, no matter how heavily the matters of the kingdom weighed upon his fair brow. The nights flowed into weeks and the weeks flowed into months, yet as surely as the emperor did come without fail, Lin Shu continued to confer the noblest acts of kindness and graciousness upon those around him.

Moreover, Xiao Jinyan was certain the youth's generosity was sincere, as all the while the king never showed himself to the object of his admiration and favors. And although Lin Shu gave almost all he received to the dumb child and others deserving of pity and generosity, Xiao Jinyan rejoiced all the more that Lin Shu never parted with the pearl, and indeed it was as if the pearl that had been so dear to the emperor was now just as cherished by the peasant youth.

Thus well-nigh a year had passed—verily, Xiao Jinyan counted every night since he saw Lin Shu, and it was on the two hundred seventy-first night that his minister suddenly called to him just as he was preparing to leave the palace for his evening excursion. Seeing his minister in sore affright, the king bade him tell what troubleth him so.

"O Lord of the people and the wisest of kings," quoth the minister, "Frightful news hath reached mine ears—forsooth, the barbaric and bloodthirsty peoples to the north have waged war and are well-nigh upon this mighty empire's borders."

"An thou sayest sooth, then gather the troops and prepare me a steed of purest blood and swiftest foot without stay or delay," replied the king. And without a moment's delay, Xiao Jinyan rode out upon the noblest and swiftest warhorse and led his formidable army to meet his foes.

But alas! The war proved long and trying, and a year had passed in the blink of an eye, yet the emperor had still not returned. His trusted ministers had continued to run the state according to the emperor's wishes, but the emperor's vile and conniving brothers had begun to bribe the avaricious and weak-willed in the court to stir trouble during the emperor's absence.

Seeing his best generals unable to devise a tactic to swiftly end the war, Xiao Jinyan longed for some way to return to the capital without bringing about the ruin of his people. Accordingly, he consulted his most trusted minister.

Quoth the old and loyal man, "O my most brave and honored lord, wherefore dost thou not seek some quick-witted and able man, who is at once capable and loyal to thee, to command the army and ensure victory, while thou wendest thy way to the palace with all speed?"

Replied the emperor, "Indeed 'tis a wise proposition, but how, prithee, might I find such a one and test that he be as able and loyal as this mighty feat demandeth?"

Whereupon the minister replied, "An thou agree to this thy slave's humble proposition, then thou wilt place a treasure sword in such-and-such a place, and say to each man who desireth the honor, 'go thee thither,' and tell him he may find a mythical weapon of unthinkable power at the end—nay, for indeed thou wilt tell him the sword is enchanted and wilt bring infinite glory and riches to he who possesseth it. An he be successful in this endeavor and giveth the sword to thee, then thou knowest he is a loyal man and true; if he be covetous and treacherous, then no matter, for 'tis but an ordinary treasure sword."

Now, the place the minister suggested was in a mountain pass that in itself was not passing difficult to traverse, but was full of mirages and tricks of light that created images so frightful and horrendous that even the bravest of souls lost countenance and were tricked into taking a false step and falling to their deaths. Verily, one had only to walk in a straight line true and sure to reach the end of the pass, but none who attempted the direct route through the pass had returned alive.

There was, however, a roundabout road well known amongst merchants and travelers, which one could take to reach the other side. However, those who would fain accept the emperor's challenge would needs traverse the treacherous pass, and thus prove both ability and loyalty through the task.

Exceedingly pleased with this plan, the emperor bade some servants place a treasure sword at the end of the pass, going and returning the common way, and word of the challenge was spread throughout the land.

On the appointed day of the test, the bravest lords and noblemen from all the land journeyed to the meeting place at the opening of the pass, where Xiao Jinyan and his generals awaited. One by one, they ventured forth, each going in determined to ignore all the terrors he may see and fare straight and true to the treasure sword.

But alas! Some had scarcely set foot into the pass before they scurried back out in sore affright, while others had come well-nigh upon the destination when some especially loathsome illusion pushed them to their demise. Indeed, albeit each adventurer heard the entreaties and counsels of the minister, when gazing upon his deepest fears, he clean forgot what he had heard and succumbed to the treacherous illusions.

The hour had become late and seeing the sun about to complete his daily course, Xiao Jingyan was wearied and sore perplexed, and convinced that there existed not such a man as he sought. When lo and behold! As if riding out of the setting sun, a lithe and slender figure appeared, clothed in princely raiment and seated upon a stallion perfect in form and breed.

Alighting from his steed, the youth greeted the king and all his company with perfect decorum and elegant manners, and spoke his name, Mei Changsu. When all present gazed upon his face, they were astounded by the complexion fair as the moon, the calm, dark eyes that seemed full of boundless wisdom, and the air of delicate nobility that complemented perfectly his slender figure and passing beauty. Albeit he was undoubtedly some nobleman of high birth and distinction, none had heard of Mei Changsu's name and all wondered that such a person existed in the empire.

After greeting the newcomer with exceeding warmth and pleasure, the emperor gave Mei Changsu his counsel. But after saying all he had said to every other comer thus far, he could not bear to see this beautiful youth venture forth to his death as all others had done, and entreated him to either turn back or pay heed to the advice he had been given. Mei Changsu only smiled, and dropping to his knees, begged of the emperor a boon.

"O brother of mine, pray tell me whatsoever thou wouldst have and I shall surely grant it to thee an it be within my power," quoth Xiao Jingyan.

Accordingly, Mei Changsu said, "Then if it pleaseth Your Majesty, I beg of thee a handkerchief from thy holy person."

Xiao Jingyan wondered at so strange a request, but produced his finest silk handkerchief which he kept on his person.

Quoth Mei Changsu, "Now all that remaineth to make your humble servant perfectly content is for your Majesty to tie thy handkerchief around my head and thus cover my eyes so that I may not see whatsoever before me," whereupon he bowed his noble head and the emperor did as he bade.

Then, Mei Changsu kissed the emperor's hand and rose, bidding his servant lead him to the entrance of the pass. His servant, a young boy who had spake not a word, did as he was told and Mei Changsu set out slowly, but surely, with measured step and dignified gait. And as the sun was setting, the illusions in the pass were at their most frightful and treacherous, but no matter what appeared, Mei Changsu was unfazed and saw only the occasional flash of light or looming shadow, which he easily ignored. Finally, he reached the end of the pass and his foot brushed against the hilt of the treasure sword, whereupon he untied the handkerchief and retrieved the sword from where it lay.

At this, all watching rejoiced, until the most wary and distrusting of the generals whispered in the emperor's ear, "Pray beware, O my lord, for God almighty alone knoweth what he shalt attempt now that he believes he hath an all-powerful weapon in his possession."

But Xiao Jingyan trusted this beautiful and intelligent youth, and Mei Changsu, being well versed in all matters of war and weaponry, knew at once that he held but an ordinary treasure sword in his hands. Thus, he returned by the secure way and fell at once upon his knees before the emperor and returned to him the sword with the utmost respect and grace.

At this, Xiao Jingyan embraced his new general with exceeding joy and delight, and would fain heap riches and honors upon him, but that Mei Changsu stopped him, saying, "O my lord and emperor, all I ask is to keep this handkerchief which hath saved my life, and serve thee well and truly by bringing a swift victory to all your land." Whereupon Xiao Jingyan promised him he should have anything he pleased upon winning the war, and all rejoiced.

The next morn at the crack of dawn, the emperor rode off to the capital, where his loyal ministers awaited him and justice and stability were swiftly restored. Meanwhile, Mei Changsu's passing genius and extraordinary skill in battle did the work of a year within a mere month, and the army rode victorious through the gates of the capital with Mei Changsu at the head, amidst the cheering and thankful tears of all the people they passed. The emperor greeted him at the front of the royal palace and Mei Changsu alighted from his steed, whereupon the two fell into a joyful embrace and the emperor ordered a fortnight of the most delightful festivities mankind hath ever witnessed.

And Xiao Jingyan forthright conferred upon all his military and court lavish honors and riches, but those received by Mei Changsu far surpassed all others. Furthermore, the emperor was so pleased with the beautiful youth that they spent hours each night in the emperor's private chambers conversing about sundry topics, in which Mei Changsu was well versed and knowledgeable to equal or even surpass the king.

But alas! After only a few of these intimate evenings, Mei Changsu fell ill and became bedridden. During this time, the king ceased not to ensure his comfort in every way and sat by his bedside every night. In this way, another month passed before Mei Changsu's personal physician was able to cure him using some rare and valuable herbs and medicines the likes of which could not be found even in the king's stores.

Seeing his beloved companion regain health and color, Xiao Jingyan declared that whatsoever Mei Changsu would have, he would grant him. This night, they happened to be stargazing in the royal gardens. Upon hearing the emperor's words, Mei Changsu smiled and the starlight illuminated his eyes, full of mischief and humor. Perceiving Mei Changsu's arch look, Xiao Jingyan repeated his assurances that all he said was sincere.

Finally, quoth Mei Changsu, "Marry me."

Xiao Jingyan was as if stricken dumb for many moments, whereupon Mei Changsu made as if to leave.

Regaining his senses, the king seized the youth's delicate hand and declared, "Forsooth, an this be all thou demandest of me, 'tis indeed an easy price for me to pay for all thou hath done for me, for verily it is my greatest pleasure and fortune to wed such a one as thee."

And the lovers embraced tenderly under the starlight, after which it became their custom to hold hands and watch stars every night.

On the one thousandth night of Xiao Jingyan's reign, the eve of his nuptials, the emperor fell to pondering things past. His thoughts strayed to the beautiful and generous youth who had first fascinated him so many suns ago, Lin Shu. Indeed, it was often a matter of great trouble to the king, for he loved Mei Changsu dearly, yet all this time, he had not forgotten Lin Shu.

On this night, Mei Changsu had retired early to rest, so Xiao Jingyan was alone in his chambers. When he considered that since the beginning of the war he had not visited the neighborhood which he used to frequent every night, he resolved to visit just one more time and then spare it no more thought come the morrow, and marry his love with no regrets.

Thus, he donned a commoner's garb as used to be his custom and his feet retraced the path that was at once familiar and strange to him, until he beheld that selfsame street in which he had first met Lin Shu. After walking up and down and espying no lithe and glowing youth, Xiao Jingyan leant against a wall and became lost in thought.

Then, all of a sudden, he heard his name and when he glanced down the street, lo and behold! There was Mei Changsu walking towards him. Troubled and embarrassed, Xiao Jingyan hastened to speak, when Mei Changsu smiled in his subtle, mysterious way and laid a finger upon the emperor's lips.

"Speak not, I prithee," quoth he, "for I have something which will haply amaze and delight thee." Whereupon he reached inside his robes and produced a pearl of unrivalled size, smoothness, and luster—forsooth, the very same pearl that Xiao Jingyan had gifted to Lin Shu one thousand nights ago.

Xiao Jingyan was exceedingly astonished and exclaimed, "But how came you upon this pearl? I recognize it for mine very own which I gifted to a young peasant boy in this very street one thousand nights ago, for it hath not its twin in all the wide world, and so I can believe naught but that you are one and the same. And yet, forsooth there existeth not two creatures so different in form and spirit as thou and he!"

Whereupon Mei Changsu smiled and told the emperor all that befallen him since their parting. When Xiao Jingyan ceased his nightly visits, Lin Shu was exceedingly troubled and soon fell deathly ill. Albeit he recovered, his countenance had transformed as if by enchantment and, learning that the emperor sorely needed someone to command the army, Lin Shu desired nothing more than to serve his lord.

Thus, taking advantage of his changed appearance, the youth adopted the name Mei Changsu and a wholly new identity, and thus the two were reunited albeit the emperor had remained ignorant until this very moment. Finally, when Mei Changsu once again fell deathly ill after the war, he was saved by the very herbs and medicines which Xiao Jingyan had gifted him so long ago.

Hearing all this, Xiao Jingyan had no more doubts that Lin Shu and Mei Changsu were indeed one and the same, and embraced his lover with exceeding joy and tenderness, for there was no longer any regret or concern that could shadow their perfect felicity. And on the one thousand and first night since their first meeting, Xiao Jingyan and Mei Changsu were wed and thereafter lived in prosperity and happiness for all the rest of their days until there came upon them the Destroyer of Delights and the Sunderer of Societies.

Omake:

Now, one day some time after the wedding, Mei Changsu summoned an acquaintance, a man learned in both literary and military arts, Lin Chen hight, and drank tea while his loyal servant boy hovered nearby protectively. This is their conversation:

"Yeah, he's really dumb. I told him how I got sick because he left and he didn't even remember that he thought he was being mysterious with me back then and Lin Shu should never have seen him hiding behind pillars."

"Oh my God, are you sure this was a good idea?"

"Shut up, he's hot," quoth Mei Changsu. "But it gets worse, because then I told him how I got better by taking the medicine he gave me and he totally forgot that I was supposed to give that to Fei Liu's 'sick mother,'" Mei Changsu laughed.

"So are you, like, ever going to tell him that the whole being nice thing was all just an act to flirt and get freebies?"

"…What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him."

"Okay, well, if you ever feel like your IQ is dropping around him, you know where to find me."

"Fei Liu, you can show the fat pigeon out."

Sounds of struggle ensued as Mei Changsu sipped his tea.

End.

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Happy birthday, Daedreamer!


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